Gone - Flash Fiction
All the flirting, the teasing the innuendoes, caresses, kisses, muttered words of exhortation or ecstasy. The single, studied fingertip that travels down from my throat to my pubic bone, pulling a trail of shivers in its wake. The change in the scent of his skin as he gets hard. The position he pulls me into, the leg that parts mine and holds them spread. The sharp, sweet pain of a tugged nipple. The first breathless plunge of penetration. The second and the third.
All gone as I come.
But when I watch him with someone else, I remember everything.
(100 words)
Powerful, RG. All of it, but the last line. Nicely done.
Wow, you are great at description, the imagery is so vivid! I feel as if I'm right there as you're describing it.
Sharp images that drag their edges across the imagination but the last line drops a new idea a little too late.
*throws down the gauntlet*
Come on Mister Mike. Re-write it for me. Better! I know you can.
Well it's been a while but I would try this:
All the flirting, the teasing the innuendoes, caresses, kisses, muttered words of exhortation or ecstasy. The single, studied fingertip travelling from my throat to my pubic bone, pulling a trail of shivers in its wake. The change in the scent of his skin as he gets hard. The position he pulls me into, his leg parting mine and holding them spread. The sharp, sweet pain of a tugged nipple. The first breathless plunge of penetration. The second. The third.
All gone, like steam rising, as I come.
Alone, later, memory condenses and recalled passion falls on me like warm rain.
Not entirely the same idea and perhaps to sharp a contract between metaphor and experience
But then, your real aim was to get me to write something :-)
It's beautiful Mike.
But it leaves out what, for me is the most important part of the story.
That she prefers to watch her lover fuck someone else, so she remembers all of it.
Don't mind me. I'm a perv.
Still, the steam rising...wonderful visual simile.
Hugs,
RG
(Don't stop.)
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