Comments on beautiful losers
One of the main reasons I post my work on the web is to run interference with Barthes' literary theory of authorial privilege. In non-academic wank-speak, it means that I enjoy the fact that readers can interact with writers and comment on/discuss/make meaning of the work being written, and express those ideas in the same place that the text resides.
For this reason, the comments on my fiction are important to me. I read them quite diligently. I'll admit that I tend to not pay a lot of attention to the ones that contain nothing but praise because, although they are gratifying, they don't give me a whole lot of insight into what the reader is thinking. My favourites are the ones where readers wonder about a certain part of the text, or examine it critically, or relate something in the text to their own experiences. However, from time to time, I get comments like this:
Would it be convenient to ignore this? Undoubtedly. So why is it I feel I have to address it? Because it brings up a number of interesting issues.
Psychology: D-
I’m glad you don’t have kids.
Posted by wolf at 18:22 20/6/2009
In the first place, it's obscene. That any piece of adult fictional erotica should, might, or could be associated with the caring for or raising of children is entirely inappropriate. And it says a great deal about the person who seeks to associate them that is disturbing.
Secondly, it assumes that the writer of a text holds the same views or participates in the same lifestyle as the characters in a fictional story. This is an alarming comment of the inability of schools to teach good critical reading skills. But to state the obvious: I am not my characters. And not only do I not necessarily share their worldviews, but I often write characters with diametrically opposed worldviews to my own. I do not, for example, hold Sebastian's views on sexual orientation. They were views I heard expressed by someone else and found interesting.
Thirdly, why is it that there is a plethora of fictional best sellers out there that pose all sorts of problematic moral paradigms - Armageddon, serial killings, racism, sexism, religious extremism, just to name a few, and yet no one seems to associate the fictions being presented there with the personality of the writers? Why only in erotica? Does anyone ever write to Stephen King, advising him not to have children because his imagination is so dark?
Back to critical theory. It says much about our society that we seem to be able to maintain incredible emotional distance from fictional accounts of violence, cruelty, injustice, etc. but seem to be unable to emotionally separate ourselves from fictional accounts of eroticism. Michel Foucault was a very smart man, for all his personal issues
Ah, I subject close to my heart.
As a writer of erotic fiction and a mother of two young boys, the misconception readers sometimes hold about writers of the genre is a dilemma for me. When I first tell new acquaintances what I write, they seem scandalized. I encourage them to read a piece of my work. Many do and that’s where the funny looks start.
I’m passionate about what I do and that gives me the courage and the patience to explain, time and again, that just because I’ve written a particular explicit scene, doesn’t mean I’ve actually done any or all of the sexual acts I describe. How many times have I used the murder/racism/sexism comparison? Explained that it’s fiction, not an exposé of my bedroom exploits? It takes an inordinate amount of time to make people feel comfortable with what I do for a living and for that reason alone, I am very selective about who I choose to share my livelihood with.
The people with whom I do share come to understand and accept that it really is all just a figment of my imagination.
~Alice
But FUCK! Why should we have to explain. It's not like anyone is calling social services on P.D. James for writing murders. Has anyone told Brett Ellis he's unfit to breed? Hell, there are people who consider William Burroughs a writer of classic literature!
I'm tired of this. If someone thinks that my writing is a reflection of my behaviour in real life, then THEY'RE the fucking perverts. They're projecting their own inappropriate fantasies onto me as an individual.
Honestly, I think it says a lot about very, very poor education.
You are right and I agree. We shouldn't have to explain. It's ridiculous.
In the context of being told you are unfit to breed, it speaks volumes to lack of eduction on the part of the commenter.
I was speaking of people I know in real life. On reflection, we are discussing two different sides.
The real world lacks the false sense of anonymity people seem to think they can hide behind online. Those type of comments, by the very nature of their cowardice, are not worth a second thought.
To the original commenter, I say, 'You wouldn't have the courage to say those words to me in person. I guarantee it. Move along, please.'
I'm finding this a challenge as I wade into writing, and being honest about what I'm writing.
Alice has a good point. The web, especially blogs, is ripe with people who hide behind the veil of anonymity to spout forth vitriol, hate, and intolerance. It's a terrible truth, but truth nonetheless. There are blogs that I read that I REFUSE to comment on publicly because in commenting I would come in comment with some of those very commenters.
But, from the real world side of things - I think it all boils down to what each individual person is comfortable with. When, a few years ago, deeply excited about a fantasy novel my husband and I were working on I shared what I was doing with a coworker, I got quite the response. This person was an avid reader, but not of that genre.
"I don't get that stuff. Anytime I try to read it, I just can't help wondering why the author can't live in the real world."
This woman read bodice rippers and mystery novels.
So far I've had to educate my husband in regards to erotica, and I'm prepared to continue to do so.
Our culture has so many hangups about sex that erotica can't help but touch that tender spot.
Why are you so very afraid of comments that don't suit your argumentation?
Guest 1
1. If I was afraid of comments that don't suit my 'argumentation' I would delete them, would I?
2. How impoverished is your intellect that you think an attack on a writer's child rearing skills is a refutation of my 'argumentation'?
3. You have neither the intellectual capacity NOR the emotional maturity to be reading anything I write.
You are clearly under the age of maturity, either physically, or intellectually or both. In any case, my site and my blog are quite clear - they are both for adults.
I will no longer take your comments, if you post them, I will delete them. You aren't old enough to engage in this discussion.
Let me take this opportunity to direct you to SOMEWHERE APPROPRIATE TO YOUR MENTAL AGE.
Dear Remittance Girl and lemmings,
I’m amazed at how much fuss my little comment on Beautiful Losers caused and it almost saddens me to tell you that it was neither about sexuality nor parenting. Apparently it’s time you broaden your horizon and stop thinking in clichés.
RG, please take a class in Psychology or common sense before writing anything like chapter 23 again.
Regards your religious & conservative wolf
I read my comments, Mister 'Wolf". I do take most of them seriously.
However, I'd really be careful with the 'cliche' comments considering the nick you've chosen for yourself.
Since my EROTIC FICTION is neither a psychology text book, nor a self-help guide, I am sorry to inform you that I won't be taking your advice.
I invite you to join Guest 1 if you'd like.
You write such thought provoking posts.
I'm not so sure that people reading erotica and assuming that it's all about the writer's preferences and actual experiences is about critical thinking, or lack there of, taught in schools.
This is mainly because a lot of critical thinking skills taught in school have to do with dissecting long dead authors' works and ascribing meanings and ideas to them that that can't defend or refute. Something erotica writers seem to have to do.
Interacting with a living author about their work is a different thing because a reader can ask questions based on what they are thinking.
One reason readers assume things is that it's a fact, many authors give a lot of TMI or personal tastes and preferences about things by writing about real experiences in blog posts or comments on others' posts. So a reader can sometimes extrapolate from that or link it to what the author is writing as a real experience or fantasy.
As far as why erotica gets this problem of people assuming it's all about the author's personal life, fantasies, I've thought about it a lot even though I'm only a reader and not an author.
I think it has to do with the fact that sex is still a huge taboo. All of those moral paradigms you mentioned are discussed openly all the time. And I agree with you that we can easily separate ourselves from these things.
But sex, sexual preferences and fantasies are something way more personal and private with in us. Personally, I think about sex all day. I can't remember the last time I fantasized about being a serial killer, if ever. Nor do I fantasize about doing violence on someone unless they piss me off. But sexual fantasies are going all the time.
And I'm less inclined to openly say "oh man I'd love to have a gang bang face spooging, than "I'd love to beat the shit out of that person," because most people would believe that I probably won't beat the shit out of that person, but would absolutely consider that I might secretly wish for the face spooge bath.
By the way, I just made up the face spooge thing. Not my real idea of a good time.
If I read a book that an author has written about a serial killer, well, what are the odds really that he/she's going to be or dreams of being a serial killer? But if I read a book that goes into graphic detail about a D/s sexual relationship, then I might assume an author has some personal knowledge of that kind of lifestyle. It's more probable that that is the case.
I also think that when it comes to reading sex, it triggers more unconscious thoughts and feelings in people. Primal things that people don't think about too often, but react to viscerally (getting horny, or feeling disgutsted), which might make them feel uncomfortable if they got turned on by something they think is wrong or is generally not socially acceptable. They are going to turn that back on the author who made them feel that.
It's just too bad that this is the case really because I think a lot of psychologically fascinating characterizations happen in the world of erotica.
Personally, I love it when an author makes me think about the psychology of a character through a character's sexual life and relationships. I rarely think that what I'm reading is an author's real sexual life or fantasy unless they openly state their preferences.
In fact, I'd rather not think that it's an author's personal experience. I love the freedom in the idea of exploring beliefs, ideas, feelings, that one doesn't feel IRL.
Dear Fellow Lemmings,
Please ignore the very rude and not terribly intelligent Mr. "Wolf", who seems to resort to personal attacks when analytical thought fails him.
I have blocked any further comments from him so that we might revel in lemmingness together, unimpeded.
Okay, whose turn is it to choose the cliff this year?
Hugs,
RG
I would suggest to wolf to comment on chapter 23 and to share your critcising thoughts on the plot instead of offending the author with your stupid comment. i guess intelligent people should be able to express their concerns without being insulting
"I'm glad you don't have kids." followed by "Read psychology". Both comments from a person who identifies themselves as areligious conservative.
One of my degrees is in psychology. I was educated by Jesuits.
My religious training would advise Mr. Wolf to pray for guidance and examine his conscience to understand his motivation for making a comment he must have known would be hurtful.
My psychology training would lead me to ask Mr. Wolf whether, as a religious man, a family man, a man so concerned with the welfare of children, he experiences and conflict or guilt about the enjoyment he takes in reading erotica and whether he feels that his chosen name on the web reflects a desire to be more powerful and predatory in his daily life.
Hi Mike,
Wow, I'm so pleased that, considering I DON'T have a degree in psychology, I called it right.
It is a very strange nick for someone who is so concerned about the care of little lambs, don't you think?
I have never understood why people who can not destinguish between reality and fiction believe that anyone wants to listen to their opinion. I very much enjoy reading erotic fiction. Not only is it sexy but if its done right it can bring up interesting questions for me about my own beliefs on what is "right and wrong" It is however fiction and while quite a bit of it turns me on I'm not sure I would enjoy it as much in real life.
I think, if the wolf doesn't mind, I'd much rather be a meerkat than a lemming.
Nothing against lemmings or anything, but I find meerkats much more engaging than lemmings.
Plus, baby meerkats? A-freaking-dorable. And their paws are just so delicate.
Yep, if I must be described as something small and furry and mammalian, I'd much rather it be a meerkat.
Any time people ask me if I've done the things I've written about, I usually say, "No. I'm not a gay man." That usually shuts people up pretty quick. Some laugh at the answer; they get the joke. Others walk away as fast as they can, checking over their shoulders to be sure I'm not following them. Of course, why the hell would I follow anyone stupid enough to think I've done all those things. Really people, there aren't that many hours in the day. I just don't have the time to be that adventurous. };)
Go get 'em, RG.
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